There are so many words spread out there about parents’ love for their child or children, that parents will give or do everything for their childen, are willing to bear the pain for them–which the childen will never do for tbeir parents.
But I did. I prayed so much. I negotiated with God. I was willing to exchange several years of my life, so that Pa would wake up from his coma. But he never woke up…
People said that Pa didn’t want to give us too much trouble by leaving so soon. A part of my heart believes (and acknowledges) that, but a large part of the heart still wishes he’s still with us. Until my hair grows white, and I will color my hair, and Pa will protest, like he did when Ma colored her hair. Pa said hair growing white was the process of old age. It’s a normal process, so no need to change the color.
I miss him, miss his wise words. Simple advice, but always true, since what he said was always a logic thought.
As far as I can remember, I cried twice because of Pa when I was a little girl. He didn’t yell at me (Pa never scolded us), he only told us (me and younger brother) to stop quarreling, in a very normal voice. And I went crying under the desk 😅. That’s the one that I can still remember. I already forgot the other incident. Only twice.
But I cried countlessly since the last time I saw his face. And I know there are still many more nights when my tears can’t stop falling, like tonight. I don’t know when this heart won’t hurt anymore when I think about him.
No, I don’t want to stop remembering you, Pa. You will always in my heart and mind, as there’s a lot of things I do always remind me of you, of what you told me, of what you taught me. I just want my heart to be able to accept this painful reality. One day.
Love you, Pa… forever 🙂😚